I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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