I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
