can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
