Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
