guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
