dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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