Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
