This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
