You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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