They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
