Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
