Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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