An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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