If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
