Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
