I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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