this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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