my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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