The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
