she woke up with a sticky ear
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
