is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
