I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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