Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
