I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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