Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
