We got so high we made milksteak
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
