Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
