Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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