I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
