ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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