smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
