today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
