Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
