I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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