I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
