I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm too high and old for this...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
