He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
