Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
