Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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