I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
