im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
