I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
