the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
