were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
