My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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