i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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