Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
