anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
