I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
