You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
