Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
