don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
