if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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