Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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